I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize