I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
