college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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