You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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