I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
