tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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