He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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