I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You need Xanax blowdarts
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
