we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
