You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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