There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
