yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
