we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need a burrito and a hug.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
