and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
