Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
