Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
