his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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