Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
