dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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