dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
