I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He felt like a one man threesome
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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