Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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