The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the liver wants what the liver wants
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
