I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
