I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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