On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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