my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
