You just made me feel so damn special
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
