i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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