i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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