I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
