i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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