you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
