Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
