Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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