i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
