You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
