Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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