hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
