I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
