So gin and wine won't be happening again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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