Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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