You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize