thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
