I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
