i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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