uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
