who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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