Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
