Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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