That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
