I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
