Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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