Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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