the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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