I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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