NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
