Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
