Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
