I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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