I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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