So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
