if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
