North Korea, Best Korea!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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