you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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