My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
