I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
