im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
