i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
