8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
