I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
