I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
