i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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