I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
